Mid-Career and “Stuck”: How to Find Flow Again

One of the most common presenting problems that a client brings to me is a feeling of being “stuck.” 

Working with already established and successful clients in my coaching practice, I find myself truly inspired. But why would individuals who are already successful need to be coached? I am often asked this question and so I thought I would approach it with a blog post. 

If you think about it, that doesn’t seem like an unlikely problem. Ambitious individuals are prone to reach a position where, compared to when they had started, they are finding: 

• Fewer “juicy” challenges
• An absence of inspiring goals
• A feeling of having reached the end of line
• The obvious question of “what next?” without an obvious answer

In essence, high-achieving people can  find themselves with both a desire to do more and a lack of ideas about what that could be or what “more” might look like. How do they get started tackling the issue of “What next?”

I have found that several questions can help address this issue of feeling stuck. Take your time to contemplate these and see what insights can come up for you. I find it’s always helpful to take each question and write about it in a private journal for your eyes only. You can handwrite a page or type on your computer, but keep the words coming until you write something that surprises you. That’s usually the beginning of the insight. And then delve deeper!

Is the feeling of stuckness in front of you or behind you? 

In other words, are you feeling held back from behind or are you blocked by something in front of you? Most commonly with high-achieving people, the resistance is not coming from in front where opportunities are unavailable to them, but rather from behind, where they are hesitant to take a step toward the set of “what’s next” opportunities. It’s not that you’re looking for something in the outside world and not finding it, but rather experiencing a reluctance to seriously move on from where you are now that is getting in the way. 

Finding an honest answer within yourself to this question can help clear up that it is not a lack of ability or opportunity for you to move forward, but rather a “stuckness” from behind—an internal sensation of tightness that isn’t letting you go where you want to go. 

A helpful follow-up to this question could be: “What do I already KNOW is available to me?” or “If I were to decide to go for it, where do I already know I could find success?” Spending some time slowing down and contemplating these questions can help bring to light new ways of moving forward, and help loosen any attachments to where you are or have already been. 

What got me to where I am now that I need to let go of?

One of the biggest mistakes that high-achieving individuals make in their thinking is to assume that the truths, wisdoms, or habits that helped them gain the success that they have enjoyed are worth holding onto–that they’re somehow eternal for evergreen. There’s a mind-blowing reality that I often ask my clients to face: “What if what got you to where you are is now holding you back? After all, we do change as individuals!”

I like to use the imagery of success as a fast-moving stream. At the beginning of your career, as an ambitious young person, you may have struggled to get started. Stuck on the shore, you may have had to toss a lasso around a tree branch downstream to get yourself out into the flow of your success. Then, moving swiftly, you think that you’ve finally made it, but then suddenly, you catch yourself stuck, noticing that you have passed that tree branch, which is now behind you, and that rope that helped propel you forward is now holding you back. It’s time to cut yourself free. 

Here are some of the common truths, wisdoms, or habits that some individuals have had to let go of to find themselves back in flow and moving freely again:

• Thinking “I need to prove myself.”
• Blaming or doubting oneself when “par for the course” challenges arise
• Needing to be liked by everyone I work with
• Thinking that narrow specialization creates more opportunities rather than fewer (definitely watch out for this one!)

Seeing these examples may help spark the realization of your own “truths” that are now working against you. Noticing these thoughts or beliefs that had once served you, will beg the next question: 

How have I changed since earlier in my career? 

The truth is that we are NOT good at seeing changes in ourselves. One of the most deceptive illusions we fall victim to is assuming that we are static and stable over time. This reality means that we are often oblivious to the growth and transformations that we have undergone.

Here are some questions to contemplate slowly. My suggestion is to leave these questions open over the course of days or weeks to see what you notice: 

• What was I bad at (or did I worry about) when I started that is no longer a problem for me? 
• As my comfort zone has grown, what is now within it that wasn’t before?
• What do I find myself worrying about that I never used to? (And go a step further and think about what this may mean.)
• What have I gotten faster at accomplishing that used to take more painstaking labor and time?
• What situations used to seem catastrophic that I can now treat with a “this too shall pass” attitude? 
• What have I found myself MORE interested in that I had never before?

Yet another brilliant question that I like to pose to audiences I address comes from Nobel Prize winning writer Toni Morrison. Interviewer Charlie Rose asked Morrison “What has changed for you over the years as you found success? Is writing easier for you now?” 

Morrison’s poignant response was “the easy things get easier and the hard things get harder.” 

If you consider this thought for a moment, you are likely to see how that has proved itself true in your own life and a lot can be gained from considering “what has gotten easy for me and what has gotten harder?” As you make a list of what has gotten easier and what’s gotten harder, then reflect on that and zoom out to take in the larger reality. What does this say about HOW you have changed and grown?

If I can let go of what no longer serves me, what becomes possible?

As you consider the questions I posed above in the light of “what is no longer serving me,” you will notice that some novel possibilities, inspiring ideas, and avenues for action begin to rise to the surface. After giving some time, thought, and consideration to all the above questions, you may notice some new opportunities to break out of your self-imposed thinking “box.” I like to put these in the form of “What if” questions because they are easier to consider that way at first. But after you begin to accept and internalize these possibilities, you can drop the “what if” part and consider the rest as a solid truth that can help propel you forward. Ask yourself these “what if” questions and DO try to generate answers to them. Here are some examples:

• What if I don’t need to try so hard? 
• What if I have new skills that open new opportunities for me?
• What if I can gain insight and inspiration by focusing on this aspect of my work instead of that one?
• What if I am done growing where I am now? What if my work here is finished?
• What if I need to try the exact opposite of what I have been doing? 

Follow up each of these questions with: “What becomes possible then?” And you’re likely to find some miraculous results!

Please never hesitate to keep in touch and let me know if any of these techniques work for you!